Yeah i got sad yesterday. Honestly I think it was my moms fault. I told her I was going to go out to a art show and she asked, "are you going by yourself?"
I said, “Of course it seems that I go out by myself all the time." So I left the house and went to the show. It was fun and well the art was mind blowing. It gave me some great ideas. I was very inspired by the time I left. Turns out the show featured a couple of people I new. Matt Hawkins from the old CCN days and Phil Shafer who I went to school with. I loved it.
After the show I left to scour the earth for food and though about going to apple bees with my last paycheck from my old job and as I was thinking about it I realized I was in another, go on a date with yourself modes. Last time I went to so Ponyo and i had dinner and a movie by myself and went to IHOP and the waiter there hit on me for like the entire time I was trying to eat. It was kind of annoying.
So, I started thinking about how I had been going out alone A LOT! I went to the art flea alone, I went to he First Friday alone, I go to comic book conventions alone, I went to the movies alone, I go to open mic night, I go out to eat alone, I draw alone in my room, I take pictures by myself, I mean GOSH, EVEN LOANERS HAVE FREINDS!! RIGHT! I even try inviting people to come with me. in fact this past Open Mic Night a friend was supposed to go and she bailed on me. Then I called and asked my niece if she wanted to go with me next week and she said , "well I don't no probably not." of course then I said her roommate was going and she was like, "ok I will probably go." Which is a round the bout way of saying, no.
I feel like I honestly don't have friends, anymore. When I was in Jersey I was constantly surrounded by people and friends. Now I am alone all the time. Even when I was working at my old job the guys I worked with never spoke to me. They would go sit in another room and talk on the phone or sleep while they watched me do everything.
Sometimes I think it is me. Sometimes I feel like people only come around me when they want me to do something for them and then I don't here from them. Whether it is family of friends unless they benefit I feel like there is this attitude of Arie is got everything going for her she is doing great she doesn't need anything I need to worry about my problems right now kind of thing happening.
When I tried to go out with my sister and spend time with her all she did was complain she didn't have money and she needed to get back home because her daughter might need her for something. So I don't bother to ask her to go places anymore. When I was in Jersey I use to try and call her to talk to her and she would tell me she had to go she would call back and then never call back. My own sister never would call me back. This person, who I thought I was so close with. Then I wouldn't hear from her for months.
I think the only family member I spoke to regularly was my mom. I honestly felt like my friends were more family then I had ever had when I was there. Heck, trying to get my mother to go out with me anywhere is like pulling teeth. She’d rather stay at home and watch big brother on t.v.
So yesterday when I was driving down the street and wanted to get some food I realized, man I am about to got out to eat by myself, yet again. Man am I the lamest person in the world, or what. So a person would think well, you have a boyfriend why don't you go out with him. I can't even do that though because he is in another state. Sometimes I wonder what possesses me to stay in a long distance relationship. Yesterday I talked to him about this and all he could do was say, "Aww, I'm sorry Babe."
OK ENOUGH SELF PITY!
I am going to be out at the Art Flea today with a booth set up I hope you guys will be motivated to come out.