I am working on my confidence. It’s hard when you’ve been down a long time, to find ways to pick yourself up. But, I believe it’s possible. I think I realized that most people are a work in progress when it comes to confidence. It’s all about learning to like who and what you are. Every individual I meet is at their own level and trying to rise.
I use to get self-conscience if a person would say, “hey I like that drawing,” cause I felt like just saying thank you was like being egotistical. Then one day I realized its actually common courtesy to thank someone for a compliment.
I also spent a lot of years trying to encourage other people and giving advice to make them feel better about themselves and their work while trying to fade into the background to let the other person shine. Why, because I didn’t feel I deserved to shine, or like I was good enough to shine like everyone else. Unfortunately this post isn’t just about art. It’s also about living in general. It’s just a bad attitude that has invaded my art career and started to reflect itself on the decision I have been making. Not in a good way.
Like for example, getting a job interview at that dream job and then having to go in and sell yourself and talk yourself up to the employer and convince them that you are going to be a great asset to their business. How do you convince an employer you are awesome when you actually don’t consider yourself to be awesome!
Just showing a great portfolio isn’t enough. A lot of people have great portfolios. Reminds me of the tv series Evangalion. I loved that show. There is a seen where Asuka is yelling at Shinji about not ever even loving himself.
Shinji runs into the room and Asuka is sitting at a table with her head down. He is begging and pleading with her to love him and to help him. She stands up and pushes him down. He goes into a rage throwing tables and chairs and screaming and her reply is no. In the end Shinji just needed to recognize he needed to do it for himself.
This clip is subbed, but still very intense. Probably more intense in Japanese than English but I will post both.
Second clip is longer: Enjoy!
My new years resolution. Learn to love myself and treat myself well. The same as I do for others. I quote from the bible.
New International Version (NIV)9 The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,”[a] and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
I think this is a double ended statement now. I have started to see something else in it. How can you treat others like you want to be treated and you love others like you want to be loved when you can’t even love being you. Is loving yourself the beginning of having confidence? I think so. I also think it is the key to knowing how to love others. Other people, and how they treat us, is a reflection of how we treat ourselves isn’t it?