I have been listening to and reading a great deal of literature about being successful and being able to enjoy your life and live fulfilled. One of the common themes is live your passion and work hard to achieve your goals. I stopped to ask myself was I really doing that. Living my hearts desire.
The women in my family seem to believe that they need to take care of everyone, give up themselves to care for other people first. Give other people what they want first and take care of their needs second. Help the family, get to work on time pay your bills on time.
What is so funny is being an artist goes against all these things sometimes. The normal way of living. My mom just can not accept the idea that the guy who runs Bazillion pictures is "late" to work everyday. But it is his company . He does what he wants. They open at 10, he gets there at 11. Big deal as long as the work gets done right. I think the only people that get there earlier are the accountants lol.
I guess what I am saying is that I am everything BUT normal. To some degree conventional ideas of working for a living just don't apply when you are an artist.In the conventional world images of nipples are bad and must be erased. In my world it is like "OH MY GOD I HAVE TO DRAW NIPPLES TODAY CAUSE I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!" (Side note: I am not gay.)
I was talking to a friend the other day about how I have been so frustrated cause I keep hiting walls in my career. I am consistent for a little while and then some crashy even like almost being homeless or a car wreck just happens out of the blue. Suddenly my life spins out of control and I put the things I love most on the back burner to try and get ahead instead of using them to help me propel myself forward.
If there is one thing I think I do well in my life it would be drawing and nothing else. I don't wanna run cash registers or be an accountant or for that matter WORK AS AN IN HOME CARE ASSISTANT!! GRRR!!! But my mom wants me to live by these conventional standards, have a car go to work like everyone else.
It drives me nuts. Here is how a conversation with a family member goes when we talk about my work.
Them: "So Arie what are you going today wanna go out."
Me: "Yeah, sorry but I got to work."
Them: "Great I am glad to here you finally got a job. Where are you working at."
Me: Weird look, "I work at home remember."
Them: "You do?" Puzzled Expression.
Me: " Um yeah, remember I was telling you about that sketch card set I was working
on. Gotta do 100 cards and I have those commissions to complete."
Them: "Oh yeah, I remember. So then you haven't found a job yet. Hey can you watch
my kids tonight I wanna go out with my friends."
Me: "Groan...sigh...no I have to work."
Them: "I thought you said you didn't have a job"
Thus, continues the never ending battle. I good friend, Wilcox, said to me one day when I was inconsolable about my situation and I wanted to run away, "well, ok, why don't you leave then." I was confused and then he said, "Look, Arie, Do you really expect things to be any different a year from now?"
And the truth is No I can't say I do. I will still be making just above minimum wage, and living with my mom if I don't find a entirely different approach. I run all these ideas through my head and everyone has consequences. The only one I really like the idea of doing is completely stopping what I am doing right now and focus my whole life on my art and my internship. I mean , seriously every job I get is a temporary patch for me until I am able to get that job I always wanted to have.And when I end up quitting I still don't have what I wanted or accomplish my goal.
They say "If you have always do what you always did, you always get what you always got." So here, is where the indecision comes in. Do I drop everything and start fresh with a new mind set and dedicate as much love time and effort to my craft as what I do to my crappy job, my family members and my friends? Or do I stop attending to them and listening to their advise and plunge in head first to see how long I can go without air?
I mean I feel like I am barely breathing as it is. I feel like with out my art I am dying slowly because I am not living up to what is meant for me. Then there is the fear of the economy and can I really get another job if this doesn't work?
My job is finally offering for me to get my med certification after waiting for 6 months. My mom says I should go ahead and get it so i can do this kind of work anywhere if my art doesn't work out. But even tight rope walkers, with enough practice, can perform without a safety net. People will always have a need for art.
ANyway I would love to hear some opinions. Oh! and enjoy the nipples!
