Its a new year. So far its starting out
ok. I am nervous cause there are so many things I want to do. I want
to travel, do daily sketches, push for a new job, and get my
confidence up. Tired of having regrets about everything I wish I did
differently in life when it comes to family and friends and career.
Sometimes it feels like I just don’t
know whats right or wrong. Whats the difference between getting taken
advantage of and doing something for someone because you care and
want to see the best for that persons future. Either way they benefit
right?
I have met people last year that are
good people with bad habits and poor ways of thinking about life.
Negative people and positive people. Motivated people and unmotivated
people just going through the motions.
I have a tendency to be really hard on
myself. I think its cause I was just raised that way. Everything
always had to be perfect or done a certain way and you couldn't
deviate from that cause if you did you were a bad person. Then I move
to LA and every aspect of that is challenged. How do you know a good
person from a bad person? How do you classify someone as good or bad
other than the classic definitions in the bible or what your parents
told you as a child? The world is this big confusing ball of dirt to
me these days. All I can thing to do is just be myself and live the
best way I know how.
Should a person not speak their mind
when they feel hurt for fear of hurting the other party and
destroying a relationship? Or maybe they should risk it and say what
they gotta say and hope the person wont hate them forever.
What does it really mean to live a good
life? Being a wife having your own family, or having a amazing career
and money? Chasing your dreams and doing all the things you always
wanted to do, is that important? Or is it more important to stand by
family and friends in hard times even if they are not caring or
concerned about your needs as a human being living in this crazy
world?
Should a person be transparent to the
world about who they are or should they share it with the world no
matter how explicit or no matter the criticism? Maybe not, maybe its better to
stay hidden. Read a quote today that I liked from Zora Neal Husrton,
“If you are silent about your pain, they'll kill you and say you
enjoyed it.” Its interesting, I related to it.
At what point is self preservation
selfish fulfillment of personal desires no matter how it effects
others around you? At what point does loving yourself, taking care
of yourself, and protecting yourself, become nothing but a
impractical display of egotism and arrogance intended to display your
elevation above others.
They say its a thin line between love
and hate. To me Love and hate are so black and white and we live in
this very gray world.
The world confuses me. Might as well
just stop thinking about it and just go make stuff. Back to
drawing. Enough of the nonsense.
Big Booty Jane Forever!
~Arie
