I had a pretty bad day today. I am not trying to put my issues out on the world and complain about everything to everybody but this is my blog after all so I should be able to write something personal from time to time.
I am constantly battling with frustration over my current situation. I have pretty much been freelancing the last 3 years full time as I try to get myself more steady work and get on my feet, but it sometimes seems like I work and work and nothing ever turns out the way I think they should.
The last few days I have been sick, but still working regardless. I sprained my neck and it has been causing me a great deal of pain. I have been doing everything I can to keep the headaches and the neck ache under control between being hunched over a drawing desk drawing day and night trying to get projects done on time. I have several deadlines at the moment.
So the last 5 days has been a mixture of sleepless nights and painkillers as I try to work threw a throbbing pulsating neck and head ache.
So I went to bed around 6 am this morning and tried to put a heating pay on my neck to sooth the hurt. Then my mom comes stomping through my bed room (yes, because of financial issues I have been forced to live with parents) yelling at me that all I do is sleep and I need to get up and go buy her some milk so she can make a cake for her job even though she knows I have been sleeping in between working because I have been in pain for the last week.
I go get the milk come back and she tells me I can't go back to bed until she leaves to go to work cause I need to help her make a cake. So I sit down and am trying to work out some commission prices and taking a few business calls in between, as I get ready for Planet Comicon this weekend and she tells me to go find this tool in the basement for her and bring it upstairs.
Day in the life by *mainasha on deviantART
I tell her just a minute as I finish typing up some work and she gets irate with me telling my I am good for nothing and yelling and screaming at me for no reason and when I get into the basement I can't find what ever it is she wanted me to get. She just gets belligerent and we end up in this screaming fight as I am trying to explain to her that what ever tool she wanted isn't in the basement.
She storms out the house refusing to talk to me as if I am so stupid idiot that knows nothing and can't do anything all the while telling me I can't do anything right and I am good for nothing and blah blah blah gets in her car and leaves.
30 minutes later she calls me on the phone and tells me that the last person that used the tool actually told her that they threw it away because it was disposable and it couldn't be used for anything else. So all along this item she so desperately needed wasn't even in the house to begin with as I had just told her. Then she manages to give me this sorry excuse for an apology after verbally abusing me for like 115 minutes for no reason at all.
I am sorry but considering that I am 32 years old, I would think we could have an adult conversation without her putting me down and screaming at me for absolutely no reason especially when I was not feeling well to begin with and had not had any sleep.
I have come to the conclusion that all she does is think about herself and no one else has problems that matter to her as long as she gets her way. I can't even get her to had me a folk out of the dish rack if she is standing next to it. She will tell me to get it myself. But she expects me to bend over backwards to listen to her every problem and do everything she says to do when she says it. I feel like she treats me like some stray dog off the street sometimes. Just something to wipe her feet on when she comes in the house.
I understand I am here cause I need to get my life together and my situation together but I had convinced myself it shouldn't be necessary for me to work 70 hours a week to be able to start getting my life together but apparently having one day off a week is to much to ask of this world.
I am tired of being berated all the time and no amount of apologies will make up for the fact that she acts this way with me anytime I stay at home for more than one or 2 days. It doesn't matter that I honestly don't feel well. When a person is sick they sleep. I don't lay around and sleep just cause I want to. I would much rather be enjoying the 70 degree weather.
I guess my only other option is to start working like a dog and pulling 10 and 15 hour days so I can try and get my life situation to change. I guess 6 - 8 hours a day really isn't enough.
I officially feel like the only one I really have and can lean on is God. Guess I got to do what I gotta do to make this life thing work.
So long social life. it was nice knowing ya.
I knew I should have been a Ninja Turtle when I grew up!
TMNT Color cards by *mainasha on deviantART